More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
