Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
