Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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