I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We smell like vodka and hangover
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