So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
