Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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