My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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