I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
