Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
