O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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