I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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