so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
