yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So many bounce houses so little time
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
