I hate your face
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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