Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
