I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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