FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
