I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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