I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
