somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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