And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
