you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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