We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
