so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
