weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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