Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
