and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
