Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
