True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
