sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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