Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
