Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
