I molested 6 butterflies tonight
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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