if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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