Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
