The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
