he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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