im gay
i know
yea but for you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
