Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
