Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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