My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
