So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
