I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
