i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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