I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
