my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
