My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
