That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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