we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
