She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
